for sale: 1, jacked up soul

so it's been awhile since i wrote anything of any eternal value...most of you could do without my little life updates, and we could all definately go without having to read any of my, for the most part mindless, 'poetry.' so anyway, as promised...

i got all emotional today. not the real girly kind that all us guys get scared of, but just that deep pit of your stomach, i think i'm going to vomit type emotion. it is uncomfortable, to say the least.
and its been awile since i've felt anything like this, and honestly i liked it that way. i mean, who am i to say "i'm never going to have that emotion again," but really, i thought i'd gotten to the point where i was all grown up and that i was a man now and i can drink beers and fart around my grandma. alas, i'm still just an adolescent punk in some respects.
i might add also that it wasn't one of those gentle kind of reminders either, where God comes to you peacefully in a dream about flowers and streams and happy deer and smiling bears and says, 'josh, you're not quite on the right track. here, let me help you back in the right direction,' and he sends you off with a lolly pop and a hug. nope. nothin' like that.
it was more one of those times where you let the baby burn its hand, folow? like, 'ouch dude, that hurts.'
you could say i got checked back into reality. not like i was living in some dream world where everything is about me. or...maybe i was, i dunno. but either way, i 'came to' the realization that this pathetic little planet, wretched as it may be, does not revolve around me. my needs are not first, my wants are not first. my life is not my own. my choices are not my own.
i am not my own.
so its time that i again have a garage sale and start giving back to God piece by piece what belongs to Him.

peace everybody

josh