wave on wave

i forgot how i felt to be honest, two years ago this month...to graduate i mean. i forgot all the hurt that came amidst all the craziness. i feel for you graduates actually, i truly hurt for you in some respects.
i've kept in touch with a friend who lives in Germany over the past couple years. she grew up there as a missionary kid, and just graduated this last month. she'll be going to college here in the states, and my guess is setting a new course, with a much different fear than you and i would probably feel. i read something she wrote today, writing in sort of a remorseful way, she told her friends how much she would miss them, and apologized for taking the time they had spent together for granted; and suddenly i too felt a wave of guilt and sadness wash over me as i thought about those close to me, and how much i take them for granted. my world, my priorities, my life, have consumed me. we set ourselves to achieving goals, not thinking that goals are worthless, and that we cannot achieve any more than has already been done.

i ask myself, when was the last time you truly loved?
not the romantic love, but the Christ-like love that, for a moment, fills all gaps, all holes, and all expectaions.
it will truly be a blessing when we reach heaven that we will not know guilt. because, if it were so, i cannot fathom the amount of remorse i would feel at having spent so much of my time so worthlessly.
as i think about the 'important' things i 'need' to do this week, it has nothing to do with my agenda. it would be meeting with my friend for breakfast this sunday morning, or perhaps smoking a pipe with my old roomate. not the job hunting, not the grocery shopping, not working out, not getting a hair cut or cleaning my room. damn i'm selfish.